mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
