i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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