Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Me too!
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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