after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
