Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
