once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
