SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
