question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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