i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
