Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
