I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
