I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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