u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
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I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
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I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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