i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
