he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
