Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
sarcasm needs its own font
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
