thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
