I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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