She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
