best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
