in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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