i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
