it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
