i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
