I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
