Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
zippers are such a cool invention
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I think people are normalizing furries
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
