If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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