yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
