I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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