:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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