i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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