if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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