I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I want to be your penis for a week.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
