next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
