I hate your face
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
