Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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