Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Randomize
