Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
