I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
