She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
my shit smells like andre
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
