i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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