Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
