After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
