I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
