I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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