I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.