so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
