Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
