dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
