Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize