the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
