come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
