dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
