I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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