i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
