I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
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We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize