oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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