My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize