Pregnant stripper...not hot.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
