my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
