Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
