And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
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MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
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my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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