I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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