I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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