She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
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They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
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In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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