): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
