is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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