You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
