I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
be right there i have to get my cape
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
