you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
