Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
