dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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