saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
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She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
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You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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