haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
