Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
