i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
